POSITRONIC FEED

an existentialist prick's babble

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

How To Survive Valentines Day As A Singleton

If you happen to be amongst the ranks of singletons on this blessed day of St. Rudolph Valentino, and it's bothering you, don't worry. Here are a few things you can do on this day to make yourself feel better.
  1. Dirty Looks: Keep staring at couples as if you're about to pull out a machete from underneath an old dirty overcoat (which you will need for this act) and try to blink as little as possible.
  2. Grinning Driver: If it happens to be raining, if you happen to be driving, if there happens to be a couple walking on the pavement, splash them.
  3. Aim Right: In a restaurant, sneeze towards a couples food or shoot snots at their drinks.
  4. Get the Cow: Go to a driving range and pretend trying to hit the wooden cows whilst getting a couple every now and then. If you hit them insist on receiving points.
  5. Smelly Roses: Smear crushed garlic on your mates V-Day presents.
  6. Walk close by a couple several times and release gas.

If you have any other ideas, please enlighten me.

posted by positronic @ 5:11 AM  

3 Comments:

  • At 2/16/2005 11:52 AM, Blogger Queen of Procrastination said…

    Dancing Trick: Bump into couples on the dancing floor when walking across, then with a sickeningly sweet smile apologise and tell them how cute they look together, then repeat the procedure. If you get angry looks, pretend that you are drunk or clumsiest person alive. You could also put some butter on the floor - see Sophie Ellis Baxtor's 'Murder on the Dancefloor' for other creative ideas.

     

  • At 2/26/2005 5:45 PM, Blogger The Grey Ghost said…

    I'm nominating both of you for the Nobel Prize.

     

  • At 4/06/2005 4:30 PM, Blogger TwistedNoggin said…

    When you walk by and 'float a bisquit' while moving like that, it's called "crop dusting".

    Why not just walk up to the guy and smile saying "Oh she's much cuter than the girl you were with the other night".

    Unless you're a chick... then you dive at the man's ankles, screaming "Don't leave me! I'll get the abortion like you asked, just don't leave me!". You could put a lovely damper on the couple's day.

     

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